In particular:

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have sillyness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Read all 5 regrets: The top 5 regrets people make on their deathbeds – The Next Web

When you die, what legacy lives on in those around you? What legacy lives on for the generation, community, country and world that continues on after you die? What useful tools do you leave behind that can be used, shared and duplicated in the generation, community, country and world once you’re gone?

I have a friend who lost his 2 best friends in a car accident in 2007. He survived. It’s been a tough journey ever since. His grief is negatively effecting his every-day life, as well as his job(s).

I have asked my friends how they dealt with the lose of a loved one, best friend, parent, child and/or partner.

Here are the responses as they come in:

• Kristie Panda: “Well, since I was 26 when my dad died, and didn’t have any friend who knew what that felt like, I turned to books on grieving, journaling, and noticed that my energy was attracting conversations with people who have dealt with loss. Loss was always on my radar in the beginning. It was probably my conversations with others and a therapist that helped me the most. And my journaling helped me piece together those conversations and helped me understand my own private experience.”
• Erica Jurkovac: “For me, prayer and time. IT is ok to grieve. That needs to take place in order to heal.”
• Shannon Petrello: “Time was the only thing that helped me. For me it was a process that couldn’t be hurried.”
• Lien Luong: “When my grandma died we had a burial ritual for her. I still miss her, but I think of the good memories of her. It was hard on my mom and still is. She turned to praying at the temple everyday. It’s been 1 year now and she’s a bit better.”
• Loretta Jean: “When I lost my dog of 15 years I cried and cried and cried. At the vet’s, I held him in my lap while they put him to sleep. Then I went home and painted an entire room in my house. That helped. That was my ritual.”

My Aunt, Dorothy Strang, died on Oct 6, 2009 at approx 8 a.m. in Long Beach, CA.

My Mom (her sister), my Dad, my brother, Lance, and I were all in attendance.

We visited Dorothy 12 hours before she died. She was very agitated and very out of it, and surrounded by blaring news and sports TV channels on either side of her in the hospital room.

I brought a little cassette player and played classical cello music for her. My Mom, Annette L. Strang Walley, sang along with most of the instrumental pieces.

IT WAS AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL!

• Schubert: Ave Maria
• Rimsky-Korsakov: The Flight of the Bumble Bee
• Schumann: Träumerei
• Dvorak: Songs My Mother Taught Me
• Saint-Seans: The Swan (from “Carnival of the Animals”)
• Godard: Berceuse

Toastmasters speech #4 – Reid Walley – “Death – And What We Do With It” from Reid Walley on Vimeo.

Title: “Death, And What We Do With It”

Mar 15, 2010. Toastmasters speech #4 (5-7 min). Official qualifying time: 7:26 (which is within the 30 sec wrap-up margin).
Capital City Toastmasters #142. Sacramento, CA.

I made sure the death of my Aunt Dorothy, a month ago on Oct 6, 2009, was a beautiful experience for me!

On the drive from Sacramento to Long Beach I decided not to fear it and instead decided to purposefully “embrace” my Aunt’s last days. I made sure I physically touched her. I caressed her hair, rubbed her arms and held her hand – because NOBODY TOUCHES THE DYING. And that’s most likely what’s been missing the longest for the person actually doing the dying – physical touch.

And I made sure to have a smile on my face the whole time. This was vital because I wanted her to feel my radiance. And it’s the act of smiling that triggers the body’s radiance!

My friend Brandon Greathouse’s grandfather died this morning, Nov 7, 2009. Three weeks ago I shared with him how I embraced the beauty of my Aunt’s death. And two days ago, when Brandon visited his grandfather for the last time, he mentioned being afraid and then remembered what I had said about making sure that I physically touched my Aunt while she was on her deathbed. So Brandon made sure to rub his grandfather’s arm and hold him hand – because NOBODY TOUCHES THE DYING. He remembered to embrace the experience of his grandfather’s death as beautiful!

Wow, my experience of deciding to embrace my Aunt’s death, then sharing that experience with Brandon, and now to have him relate that he remembered and applied my experience to his grandfather’s death brings everything full-circle! My sharing with him allowed him to embrace, and now show others, the ability to respond to death as beautiful.