Customer service is for your spouse, too!

I take full responsibility for the shitty way I treated my wife, regardless of how she treated me. I definitely would have never reacted to my customers the way I yelled and screamed at my wife.

I was always much more careful in how I reacted toward my customers, but when I got home I didn’t have to be nice. And that was the problem, I never treated my wife with the same respectful consequence-oriented customer service that I showed my clients.

I would never would have been such an asshole to my customers. But I certainly was one toward my wife.

Good customer service = good relationship.

Crappy customer service = crappy relationship.

Title: “One Smile Per Argument”
Contest level: Area
Club: Capital City Toastmasters #142, Sacramento, CA – District 39, Area 51
Contest location: Sutter Cancer Center, Sacramento, CA
Date: Mar 24, 2011

And the #1 delusional reason people thought their marriage would work out:

“I thought my lazy boyfriend would miraculously become a proactive/go-getter husband!”

“My other favorite time with you is morning coffee when we sit together and you encourage me to have big adventures!!! I love you!”

~ From my dear friend Corrie Hughes, to her husband Eric Aglia

Just brilliant!

With all the effort that we put into a college degree – 2 yrs, 4 yrs, 8 yrs, 12 yrs of dedication – what makes us think that we are qualified… truly qualified… to be married?

I thought because I was in love and had watched my parents argue that I was qualified to be married.

• 50%* of first marriages end in divorce (I’m in this category)
• 67%* of second marriages end in divorce
• 74%* of third marriages end in divorce

If our high schools had this kind of drop-out rate, we’d all freak out!

We’re obviously doing something wrong.

Couples that read the same self-help books, at the same time – as if they were study partners – stand a much better chance of maintaining a successful relationship. What are you and your significant other reading?

I see lots of medical students in study groups at my local coffeehouses in Sacramento, CA. There are usually 2-4 study partners. And they study together for hours on end – they read the same books, the same chapters and the same flash cards. When I was married, we never put that kind of time and effort into making our marriage a success. My ex-wife is an amazing, kick-ass woman! It never occurred to us to be our own study group.

*Source: Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri.

Four-year college degree = studying, quizzes, tests, mid-terms and finals!

Successful marriage = where the hell do people go to get a degree in “successful marriage”?

When does anybody ever spend the time studying, taking quizzes, tests, mid-terms and finals for a successful marriage? All this effort spent on getting a degree (a career) and America has a 50% divorce rate. College degrees, Masters, Ph.Ds all take a lot of work and a lot of book reading.

What, we can’t read 3 books on how to have a successful marriage career?

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Life Coaching: I attended John & Elizabeth Howe’s 50th Wedding Anniversary on December 29, 2007.

I mentioned to Elizabeth that I figured their secret to being happily married for 50 years was due to them actually “liking” each other at least 51% of the time. “Oh no,” she corrected me, “it’s at least 75% of the time.”

Love will get you started, but liking lasts forever!

Sometimes we’re too in love with our spouse to like them! Heavy-duty being-in-love can bring out our ugly side – jealously and insecurity. This evening I was asked why my marriage didn’t work out. “I was too in love to like my wife,” I said. “I was too jealous and insecure and I didn’t know how to actually like my wife.” I mean, falling in love got us “in the door,” but we didn’t know how to like each other, which would have helped us stay in the marriage, I believe. More importantly, I didn’t know how to like me! Because liking me would have spilled over into liking my wife and liking the marriage. I spent too much time feeling hurt, being angry and sometimes sleeping in the other room. We didn’t have any communication skills. And the truth is, we didn’t have any “happiness” skills. Isn’t that crazy – we didn’t have any happiness skills! We never learned happiness skills in school, from home or from our friends. Seriously, who could any of us call right now to get successful marriage advice?

Today, my former wife and I get along brilliantly! I’ve done a lot of growing up, read a lot of happiness books and have learned to like myself. I know, it sounds silly – I like myself. But, really, liking myself has spilled over into having a happy conversation with my former spouse. It’s like when we first met, except now it’s fun. I don’t feel jealous and insecure. And now, I actually like my ex-wife – because now I include her in my world instead of her being my world.