Don’t look for someone who will be loyal to “you”; look for someone who will be loyal to “themselves.” You either agree with their loyalties or you don’t. A person’s “character” is far more reliable/measurable than their “loyalty.”

“Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you don’t have time to criticize others.”
~ Jim Rohn

The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.
~ Carlos Castaneda

I made sure the death of my Aunt Dorothy, a month ago on Oct 6, 2009, was a beautiful experience for me!

On the drive from Sacramento to Long Beach I decided not to fear it and instead decided to purposefully “embrace” my Aunt’s last days. I made sure I physically touched her. I caressed her hair, rubbed her arms and held her hand – because NOBODY TOUCHES THE DYING. And that’s most likely what’s been missing the longest for the person actually doing the dying – physical touch.

And I made sure to have a smile on my face the whole time. This was vital because I wanted her to feel my radiance. And it’s the act of smiling that triggers the body’s radiance!

My friend Brandon Greathouse’s grandfather died this morning, Nov 7, 2009. Three weeks ago I shared with him how I embraced the beauty of my Aunt’s death. And two days ago, when Brandon visited his grandfather for the last time, he mentioned being afraid and then remembered what I had said about making sure that I physically touched my Aunt while she was on her deathbed. So Brandon made sure to rub his grandfather’s arm and hold him hand – because NOBODY TOUCHES THE DYING. He remembered to embrace the experience of his grandfather’s death as beautiful!

Wow, my experience of deciding to embrace my Aunt’s death, then sharing that experience with Brandon, and now to have him relate that he remembered and applied my experience to his grandfather’s death brings everything full-circle! My sharing with him allowed him to embrace, and now show others, the ability to respond to death as beautiful.

“You will fear the darkness only to the extent that you yourself are not providing light.”
~ Marianne Williamson

Watch your thoughts because they become your words…
Choose your words because they become your actions….
Understand your actions because they become your habits…
Study your habits because they become your character…
Develop your character because it becomes your destiny.
~ Quincy Jones

“My Parents Will Die Someday”

In the Summer of 2008 my Dad sat down with my brother, Lance, and me and discussed exactly what he wanted us to do when he dies.

We all gathered on a comfy brushed-velvet green coach at Lance’s home in Rocklin, CA. It was a very casual sharing of information. Dad had all the paperwork: a living trust, power of attorney, a list of accounts for his bank, investments, insurance, annuities and assets. He also had a list of phone numbers of all the people to call, including his best friend, Rob. It was all ready to go – just like pushing a button.

The funeral arrangements were all arranged: Neptune Society, with his ashes being sprinkled over the southern California ocean. And since everything is in a trust there are no probate problems. Everything is transfered to me and Lance automatically. Just the way Dad wants it.

It was one of the most empowering, loving conversations I’ve ever had with my Dad. There were no tears and no sorrow – and no fear. It was simply a conversation about the facts, along with what he wanted and who to call.

Dad’s still alive and well. So, now especially, we can talk about anything. Not that we couldn’t before, but after a conversation about death everybody’s conversational-table is forever expanded.

Most children never get the chance to talk about the death of their parents “with their parents.” Most people just freak out after-the-fact, mainly because they always freak out about the thought of it in the first place.

My Dad stepped up to the plate and initiated a conversation with Lance and me that I personally would have never thought  about mentioning – let alone all of the details. It was literally just a regular conversation about paperwork and his wishes. And it’s one of the most empowering conversations I’ve ever shared with my Dad.

Since my Dad added his death to our family conversation, it’s no longer a scary, taboo subject. It’s out in the open. Now I can talk to my Dad about his death while he’s still alive – WHILE HE’S STILL ALIVE. That’s empowering. That’s fear-less. That’s love.

Happiness is not something I find, but something I sprinkle around throughout the day so that it grows all around me.

“In the award-winning documentary Children Full of Life, a fourth-grade class in a primary school in Kanazawa, northwest of Tokyo, learn lessons about compassion from their homeroom teacher, Toshiro Kanamori. He instructs each to write their true inner feelings in a letter, and read it aloud in front of the class. By sharing their lives, the children begin to realize the importance of caring for their classmates.”

Life Coaching: A friend recently mentioned how much her life was positively changed because of “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.” I recommended Stephen Covey’s book a few months ago and she had just finished reading it. “I’m training for a triathlon that’s taking place in California,” she beamed! “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” has helped in many areas of my life,” she remarked. “Thanks for recommending it!”