You changed for somebody else – you invested all that effort. Then they stormed out and you’re left with an “empty” version of yourself. You shoved your square peg through a round hole and come out damaged and unrecognizable.

Your return on investment (ROI) sucks!

Now begins the long-ass journey back to… yourself. This stage of the process has you starting at minus zero. Because the investment you made wasn’t actually for you – it was for someone else. And you got left behind with nothing to show for all of your hard work.

When you change for someone else, they’re the one that leaves with all of your changes. It’s like shopping for new clothes that you never get to wear. And when you get dumped you don’t even get your clothes back, you end up in tattered rags.

Change is good, but who keeps the ROI? Stop getting ripped off. Invest in yourself. Invest in your own growth, confidence and success.

Customer service is one of the new frontiers for intimate relationships, as well as family and friends. Customer service isn’t just for customers and social media – it’s for your marriage, your business partners, your employees, your vendors, your co-workers, your family and friends. Customer service is YOU being nice to the cashier who’s having a bad day. It’s for ALL of your relationships.

I like what Tony Robbins has to say about relationships. It’s also the best type of customer service – giving, not taking.

“Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.” – Anthony Robbins

Broach the taboo topics, ask – and answer – embarrassing questions and state your not-so-obvious flaws. Build something of quality. Do the heavy-lifting from the outset. Filter out the flakes, putzes, assholes, haters and control freaks right up front.

In other words, don’t drink contaminated water; filter out the crap.

Customer service is for your spouse, too!

I take full responsibility for the shitty way I treated my wife, regardless of how she treated me. I definitely would have never reacted to my customers the way I yelled and screamed at my wife.

I was always much more careful in how I reacted toward my customers, but when I got home I didn’t have to be nice. And that was the problem, I never treated my wife with the same respectful consequence-oriented customer service that I showed my clients.

I would never would have been such an asshole to my customers. But I certainly was one toward my wife.

Good customer service = good relationship.

Crappy customer service = crappy relationship.

I’m a pretty good kisser. But when I’m yelling and screaming at my girlfriend she probably forgets all that. How I “react” is my life. She doesn’t know if she can really “trust” me until she sees how I react under pressure, when I’m angry. Then the story she tells her girlfriends is complete: he’s a good kisser, but, shit, what’s with this “reacting with anger” bullshit?!?

How I “react” IS my life!

Excerpt from: “9 Things You Simply Must Do – to Succeed in Love and Life” by Dr. Henry Cloud

I have seen lives transformed when people begin to adopt the strategy of asking themselves, What can I do to make this better?

Miracles have occurred. I recently attended the wedding of a woman who had complained to me a couple of years ago saying, “I wish I were married, but God just has not chosen that for me at this point in my life.”

She passively blamed her single status entirely on God. It never occurred to her that she might do something to help him.

I challenged this woman to take responsibility and be proactive. God would help her, but she needed to give him a little cooperation.

Here is the exciting fact: she had been stagnant in her dating life for longer than it took to get moving and get married.

With all the effort that we put into a college degree – 2 yrs, 4 yrs, 8 yrs, 12 yrs of dedication – what makes us think that we are qualified… truly qualified… to be married?

I thought because I was in love and had watched my parents argue that I was qualified to be married.

• 50%* of first marriages end in divorce (I’m in this category)
• 67%* of second marriages end in divorce
• 74%* of third marriages end in divorce

If our high schools had this kind of drop-out rate, we’d all freak out!

We’re obviously doing something wrong.

Couples that read the same self-help books, at the same time – as if they were study partners – stand a much better chance of maintaining a successful relationship. What are you and your significant other reading?

I see lots of medical students in study groups at my local coffeehouses in Sacramento, CA. There are usually 2-4 study partners. And they study together for hours on end – they read the same books, the same chapters and the same flash cards. When I was married, we never put that kind of time and effort into making our marriage a success. My ex-wife is an amazing, kick-ass woman! It never occurred to us to be our own study group.

*Source: Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri.

The biggest deal breaker is our individual selves, as we, individually, are the reason we get “into” or “out of” most situations. We decide our own happiness or misery.

You decide whether to go on a second, third or forth date with somebody. You decide whether to leave a bad relationship today, tomorrow or never.

You decide whether to respond to the title “sweetheart” or “bitch.”

You decide what you put up with. You, yourself, are the most important deal-breaker!

Life Coaching: Some people hate it when you share your happiness, mainly because they have none of their own to share. So they call your happiness bullshit – sometimes to your face.

They may look like they have it all together, they may tell you they have it all together, but their fear is in their words.

Sometimes what somebody says against you (or against others) is really what they want you to know is true about their own lives. When somebody hates on you, understand they’re being honest – about themselves.

Life Coaching: Do we live in a closet of fear or out in the open – fearless? Do we want a mate so badly that we live without good friends and pass up golden opportunities? How do we decide if a relationship is working or not? Our relationships either keep us in the closet of fear or cheer us on as we dance out in the open – fearless!