Tag Archives: Relationships

She passively blamed her single status entirely on God

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Excerpt from: “9 Things You Simply Must Do – to Succeed in Love and Life” by Dr. Henry Cloud

I have seen lives transformed when people begin to adopt the strategy of asking themselves, What can I do to make this better?

Miracles have occurred. I recently attended the wedding of a woman who had complained to me a couple of years ago saying, “I wish I were married, but God just has not chosen that for me at this point in my life.”

She passively blamed her single status entirely on God. It never occurred to her that she might do something to help him.

I challenged this woman to take responsibility and be proactive. God would help her, but she needed to give him a little cooperation.

Here is the exciting fact: she had been stagnant in her dating life for longer than it took to get moving and get married.

What Does It Take To Have A Successful Relationship?

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With all the effort that we put into a college degree – 2 yrs, 4 yrs, 8 yrs, 12 yrs of dedication – what makes us think that we are qualified… truly qualified… to be married?

I thought because I was in love and had watched my parents argue that I was qualified to be married.

  • 50%* of first marriages end in divorce (I’m in this category)
  • 67%* of second marriages end in divorce
  • 74%* of third marriages end in divorce

If our high schools had this kind of drop-out rate, we’d all freak out!

We’re obviously doing something wrong.

Couples that read the same self-help books, at the same time – as if they were study partners – stand a much better chance of maintaining a successful relationship. What are you and your significant other reading?

I see lots of medical students in study groups at my local coffeehouses in Sacramento, CA. There are usually 2-4 study partners. And they study together for hours on end – they read the same books, the same chapters and the same flash cards. When I was married, we never put that kind of time and effort into making our marriage a success. My ex-wife is an amazing, kick-ass woman! It never occurred to us to be our own study group.

*Source: Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri.

What’s a deal-breaker in every relationship?

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The biggest deal breaker is our individual selves, as we, individually, are the reason we get “into” or “out of” most situations. We decide our own happiness or misery.

You decide whether to go on a second, third or forth date with somebody. You decide whether to leave a bad relationship today, tomorrow or never.

You decide whether to respond to the title “sweetheart” or “bitch.”

You decide what you put up with. You, yourself, are the most important deal-breaker!

Persoanl life coach – People hating your happiness?

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Life Coaching: Some people hate it when you share your happiness, mainly because they have none of their own to share. So they call your happiness bullshit – sometimes to your face.

They may look like they have it all together, they may tell you they have it all together, but their fear is in their words.

Sometimes what somebody says against you (or against others) is really what they want you to know is true about their own lives. When somebody hates on you, understand they’re being honest – about themselves.

Personal life coach – “Fearful” or “Fearless”?

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Life Coaching: Do we live in a closet of fear or out in the open – fearless? Do we want a mate so badly that we live without good friends and pass up golden opportunities? How do we decide if a relationship is working or not? Our relationships either keep us in the closet of fear or cheer us on as we dance out in the open – fearless!