Tag Archives: Self-help

There’s gotta be something better than this 75 year old book!

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Is there a modern equivalent to Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends & Influence People? I mean, c’mon, it was published way back in 1936. They barely had cars, electricity or TV back then. Heck, the era that AMC’s Mad Men portrays hadn’t even happened yet. There was no Internet, no e-commerce, no social media in 1936.

The World has changed. Somebody else must have written something better than Carnegie’s classic in the last 75 years! So, I posed this question on LinkedIn in October 2011 and received some great feedback. By the way, the following list is not in any particular order of goodness.

  1. Book: Everyone Communicates, Few Connect: What the Most Effective People Do Differently

    Author: John C. Maxwell
    Recommended by: Kevin Hrim
  2. Book: Getting Naked: A Business Fable About Shedding The Three Fears That Sabotage Client Loyalty

    Author: Patrick Lencioni
    Author’s Website: http://www.tablegroup.com/
    Recommended by: Kevin Hrim
  3. Book: How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age(Oct 4, 2011)

    Author: Dale Carnegie
    Recommended by: Todd South
  4. Book: Enchantment: The Art of Changing Hearts, Minds, and Actions

    Author: Guy Kawasaki
    Testimonial: “The best overall treatise on interpersonal relationships since Dale Carnegie wrote How to Win Friends and Influence People.” – Michael Gartenberg, Research Director, Gartner
    Recommended by: Hillary Schieve
  5. Book: Influence: Science and Practice

    Author: Robert Cialdini
    Author’s Website: http://www.influenceatwork.com/
    Recommended by: Francesco Ferzini
  6. Book: Winning with People: Discover the People Principles that Work for You Every Time

    Author: John C. Maxwell
    Recommended by: Bill Martin
  7. Book: The Success Principles: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be

    Author: Jack Canfield
    Book’s Website: http://www.thesuccessprinciples.com/
    Recommended by: Clay Hall
  8. Book: Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action

    Author: Simon Sinek
    Authors’s Website: http://www.startwithwhy.com/
    TED Conference: Video
    Recommended, independently, by: Alice Heiman and John Bankhead
    Alice’s comment: I recommend the How to Win Friends & Influence People book to all the young people I mentor and the college students I teach. I don’t know of anything new with the same message, but I do love the book Start With Why by Simon Sinek and have been sending that out to all my CEOs.
  9. Book: Never Eat Alone: And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time

    Author: Keith Ferrazzi
    Recommended by: Oliver Lee Mincey
    Oliver’s comment: I enjoyed the book. Not quite Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends, but it does have some good nuggets.
  10. Book: Engage: The Complete Guide for Brands and Businesses to Build, Cultivate, and Measure Success in the New Web

    Author: Brian Solis
    Recommended by: Felipe Huicochea
  11. Book: Trust Agents: Using the Web to Build Influence, Improve Reputation, and Earn Trust

    Authors: Chris Brogan & Julien Smith
    Recommended by: Felipe Huicochea
  12. Book: You Can’t Teach a Kid to Ride a Bike at a Seminar: The Sandler Sales Institute’s 7-Step System for Successful Selling

    Author: David H. Sandler
    Recommended by: Luke Davies

While everybody recommended an alternative, almost everybody agreed that Carnegie’s How to Win Friends was still the timeless gold standard.

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Why Most Self-Help Books are Garbage | Overnight Sensation – Public Speaking, Communication and Personal Development

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By James Feudo

Self-help books can really help you. But just be aware that many of these books aren’t what they claim to be. If the author is focusing too much on him or herself, then you know it’s not worth reading. Self-help books are supposed to be about the reader – if they’re primarily about the author, then they should be labeled an autobiography.

Read the full article: Why Most Self-Help Books are Garbage | Overnight Sensation – Public Speaking, Communication and Personal Development.

What Does It Take To Have A Successful Relationship?

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With all the effort that we put into a college degree – 2 yrs, 4 yrs, 8 yrs, 12 yrs of dedication – what makes us think that we are qualified… truly qualified… to be married?

I thought because I was in love and had watched my parents argue that I was qualified to be married.

  • 50%* of first marriages end in divorce (I’m in this category)
  • 67%* of second marriages end in divorce
  • 74%* of third marriages end in divorce

If our high schools had this kind of drop-out rate, we’d all freak out!

We’re obviously doing something wrong.

Couples that read the same self-help books, at the same time – as if they were study partners – stand a much better chance of maintaining a successful relationship. What are you and your significant other reading?

I see lots of medical students in study groups at my local coffeehouses in Sacramento, CA. There are usually 2-4 study partners. And they study together for hours on end – they read the same books, the same chapters and the same flash cards. When I was married, we never put that kind of time and effort into making our marriage a success. My ex-wife is an amazing, kick-ass woman! It never occurred to us to be our own study group.

*Source: Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri.

Life Coach – Too in love for a successful marriage?

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Sometimes we’re too in love with our spouse to like them! Heavy-duty being-in-love can bring out our ugly side – jealously and insecurity. This evening I was asked why my marriage didn’t work out. “I was too in love to like my wife,” I said. “I was too jealous and insecure and I didn’t know how to actually like my wife.” I mean, falling in love got us “in the door,” but we didn’t know how to like each other, which would have helped us stay in the marriage, I believe. More importantly, I didn’t know how to like me! Because liking me would have spilled over into liking my wife and liking the marriage. I spent too much time feeling hurt, being angry and sometimes sleeping in the other room. We didn’t have any communication skills. And the truth is, we didn’t have any “happiness” skills. Isn’t that crazy – we didn’t have any happiness skills! We never learned happiness skills in school, from home or from our friends. Seriously, who could any of us call right now to get successful marriage advice?

Today, my former wife and I get along brilliantly! I’ve done a lot of growing up, read a lot of happiness books and have learned to like myself. I know, it sounds silly – I like myself. But, really, liking myself has spilled over into having a happy conversation with my former spouse. It’s like when we first met, except now it’s fun. I don’t feel jealous and insecure. And now, I actually like my ex-wife – because now I include her in my world instead of her being my world.