Death and Grieving – A Study
I have a friend who lost his 2 best friends in a car accident in 2007. He survived. It’s been a tough journey ever since. His grief is negatively effecting his every-day life, as well as his job(s).
I have asked my friends how they dealt with the lose of a loved one, best friend, parent, child and/or partner.
Here are the responses as they come in:
- Kristie Panda: “Well, since I was 26 when my dad died, and didn’t have any friend who knew what that felt like, I turned to books on grieving, journaling, and noticed that my energy was attracting conversations with people who have dealt with loss. Loss was always on my radar in the beginning. It was probably my conversations with others and a therapist that helped me the most. And my journaling helped me piece together those conversations and helped me understand my own private experience.”
- Erica Jurkovac: “For me, prayer and time. IT is ok to grieve. That needs to take place in order to heal.”
- Shannon Petrello: “Time was the only thing that helped me. For me it was a process that couldn’t be hurried.”
- Lien Luong: “When my grandma died we had a burial ritual for her. I still miss her, but I think of the good memories of her. It was hard on my mom and still is. She turned to praying at the temple everyday. It’s been 1 year now and she’s a bit better.”
- Loretta Jean: “When I lost my dog of 15 years I cried and cried and cried. At the vet’s, I held him in my lap while they put him to sleep. Then I went home and painted an entire room in my house. That helped. That was my ritual.”
I had two miscarriages last year. In fact, we are coming up on the year anniversary of the second one in a couple of days. After that one, I was a real basket case for a while. I wallowed in it–ate, drank, breathed and slept grief for about two months. Then I turned kind of psycho. I didn't know myself at all for a while. I wanted to replace what I had lost but the whole idea of motherhood and reproduction had become completely repulsive. I was embarrassed to be around my family and felt like such a failure. I couldn't stand the sight of babies. The thought of sex made me nauseous. Then, just like that, one weekend in February–I remember this transformation because it was so swift and so radical–a sense of peace crept into my heart and has stayed there. There is no way to replace what I have lost, but I have come to accept it as part of the journey of my life. I'm no longer desperate to erase the loss. I'm okay with this loss being part of who I am. I know it's different for people who have different kinds of losses, but this is how mine has been, in a nutshell.
Thanks so much for your story, Megan. I really appreciate you sharing your journey!