Fair is fair. And stupid!

Here’s the problem with me: I think I have to be fair!

I treat you “exactly” the way you treat me.

You’re a jerk, I’m a jerk back!
You make fun of me, I make fun of you back!
You hit me, I hit you back!
You hate me, I hate you back!
You stop loving me, I stop loving you back!
You cheat on me, I cheat on you back!
You murder me, I murder you back!

Wow, when do I actually live my own life instead of limiting myself to only giving you what you give me? Fair is fair, and stupid!