Sometimes we’re too in love with our spouse to like them! Heavy-duty being-in-love can bring out our ugly side – jealously and insecurity. This evening I was asked why my marriage didn’t work out. “I was too in love to like my wife,” I said. “I was too jealous and insecure and I didn’t know how to actually like my wife.” I mean, falling in love got us “in the door,” but we didn’t know how to like each other, which would have helped us stay in the marriage, I believe. More importantly, I didn’t know how to like me! Because liking me would have spilled over into liking my wife and liking the marriage. I spent too much time feeling hurt, being angry and sometimes sleeping in the other room. We didn’t have any communication skills. And the truth is, we didn’t have any “happiness” skills. Isn’t that crazy – we didn’t have any happiness skills! We never learned happiness skills in school, from home or from our friends. Seriously, who could any of us call right now to get successful marriage advice?
Today, my former wife and I get along brilliantly! I’ve done a lot of growing up, read a lot of happiness books and have learned to like myself. I know, it sounds silly – I like myself. But, really, liking myself has spilled over into having a happy conversation with my former spouse. It’s like when we first met, except now it’s fun. I don’t feel jealous and insecure. And now, I actually like my ex-wife – because now I include her in my world instead of her being my world.